Rahkua's Blog

Rahkua's Blog

A social commentary on the world through my eyes...

The "Friend Zone"

I wanna talk about a dirty word…the "friend-zone". I came across this really funny, thought-provoking, and enlightening comic (ok maybe I'm liking it a bit too much lol):




Anyhow, I could really identify because I've often found myself in that situation….being accused of being a "friendzoner"...


I've long been a vocal advocate of guy/gal friendships but I think as the years have gone by my resolve about the issue has continually been diminishing. Yes, I do have male friends, but in almost EVERY situation there has been some point where that friend hit on me or expressed a desire for something more. This becomes increasingly frustrating when you feel you have to choose between just X-ing that person out of your life or giving in to the pressures of persistence. I've done both, though more often the former rather than the latter.


The comic raised a great point about these so-called "nice guys" who get mad after being told they are in a "just friends" situation. If you're getting upset about the "time you spent" or "all the things you've done for this person" etc, then you really need to re-examine your definitions of the word FRIEND and NICE. You do things for your friends because you want to, not because you expect something in return (short term or long term). Imagine that friend you picked up drunk from her party at 3am and made sure she got in safe was a dude…would you still feel like he "owed" you something more than that same kind of courtesy/consideration in return?


This blogger articulated it perfectly:  



I like nice guys, I really do. The whole "bad boy" thing doesn't work for me one because I have a morality complex of sorts (haha) and two because I like to get my way…BUT none of that matters when I don't want to be in a relationship. Its not about how nice or mean or whatever you are…it's not about you at all! (The cliche "it's not you, it's me speech" is really not all that cliche…) So don't take it so personally.


In general, my advice to guys who feel like they don't want to get "stuck in the friend zone" is this: let it be known that you want more than "just" friendship right up front before you invest all that time, money, and energy that you wouldn't otherwise devote. Unlike what most men claim, a lot of us are mind-readers (exaggeration of course…call it hyperactive perception) and probably already know that you want more but either don't want to be presumptuous or don't want to hurt your feelings. Thus, it's up to you to come out and say it up front to start that dialogue. 


Second piece of advice, be prepared to be shot down and know what you want next. If you ARE content with being her friend because, I don't know, maybe you genuinely enjoy her company and conversation, then be prepared to actually be a friend. Don't get mad when she is on a date or having guy troubles or whatever the case may be. If that's not something you can handle emotionally or you just don't care enough to "waste your time" if she's not into you then also make that known up front and move on before either of you invest so much into a "friendship" that's going to crash and burn hurting one or more parties involved. Don't pretend you can handle it with a glimmer of hope in the back of your head that maybe she'll change her mind. 


Honesty is the key. 


What do you think? Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted more and had to move on once you realized they didn't?


And we tend to think this is a male issue, but it's a people issue…have any females out there felt like they were "friend-zoned" too?


How do you deal with the rejection?


Do you think heterosexual people of the opposite sex can be friends?

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