Rahkua's Blog

Rahkua's Blog

A social commentary on the world through my eyes...

Cat Calling…..We DON'T Like It!

"Hey babygirl, how's your day"

"You are so beautiful"

"I'm not hitting on you, but I just wanted to let you know you look beautiful"

"Oooh, you riding that bike"

"How many miles you get on that thing?"

"Can I ride on the handle bars"

"Damn you look good on that bike"

"I bet you stay fit on that…I can tell"

"Phhewewwwtpheeewwwww (whistle sound)"

"Aye girl, aye!"

"Where you going, can I come with you?"

"Goodmorning beautiful"

"Hey beautiful"

"Smile, it'll make your day better"

"Let me talk to you for a second"

"Can we be friends? Like I don't want to hit on you, I just want to talk"

"If I bring you the moon and the stars will you just go on one date with me?"

"Can I have a hug?"

"Excuse me..."

"Oowwwww!"

"I bet I could put a smile on yo face, with ya fine ass"

"Damn girl!"

"I don't want to bother you but..." STOP RIGHT THERE....If you do't want to bother me just stop talking, turn around, and walk away!

 

The above quotes are just a couple of the sentences I hear on a DAILY basis when I leave my house. As you can probably tell, it starts to annoy me. 

 

Recently, a "catcalling" video went viral where a woman followed by a hidden camera documented her day capturing the constant barrage of guys delivering many of those same above lines. The video got mixed reactions. Most women could sympathize with it because we experience it ourselves and it's so commonplace that it's almost surprising (albeit relieving) when a period of 30min goes by without the barrage. 

--- Watch the video here:

 

At the same time, there were of course a whole host of guys who just didn't get it. They are no doubt some of the participants in what they call as "compliment giving". Here's a youtube clip with a "battle of the sexes" where the guy is obviously in stuck in an antiquated and misogynist mindset….one that assures him women should be grateful for these "compliments":

 

This rant (so to speak) may seem like it's coming out of the blue since the story is pretty "old" now (in terms of media exposure), but while the story is "old", the behavior is not. Today was no different. From the minute I leave my door step to the minute I return, my personal space is invaded by these "compliment givers" who give themselves permission to invite themselves into my life at any given moment. In addition to the normal "innocent" (yet annoying) comments I get, I was "propositioned" several times today and just wanted a moment to vent. 

 

How many women out there feel where I'm coming from?

My Perfect Husband

So, people always ask me, "what's your type". I never have a straight up answer for them because truthfully the answer isn't so cut and dry...I don't have a type per se, (meaning I don't have a preference for instance of short vs. tall; dark vs. light; skinny vs. thicker; introverted vs. extroverted; leo vs. sagittarius etc.) BUT I do in general know what I like and what I don't I guess... 

 

SO what I have decided to do is put together a "little" list that compiles what my ideal mate would be. I left out obvious things like "doesn't beat me" or "doens't have a porn fetish" or "isn't a murderer" or "likes women" for streamlining purposes...but hopefully those things are inferred/intuited.

I suspect that no person in the world will be EXACTLY what we want our ideal mate to be but if I can get close that'd be just peachy. The "mandatory" things have an asterisk* next to them lol...

 

 

*  Here goes...My ideal husband:

 

  1. Is a Christian*
  2. Wants to father children (with me…)* and does not already have children (with someone else)
  3. Does not own or want to own dog(s)* (or any other pets/animals)
  4. Believes in gender equality (to a reasonable extent) BEWARE OF DOUBLE STANDARDS!
  5. Enjoys cooking and cleaning (or at least doesn't mind taking an equal share in the execution of both)
  6. Is intelligent/academically inclined
  7. Has never cheated on a serious, exclusive girlfriend
  8. Hasn't been married
  9. Likes Beyonce* 
  10. Is health conscious
  11. Makes me (and what I want how I want them) a priority
  12. Is a "texter"
  13. Has no issues with my profession's requirements
  14. Is well groomed
  15. Has nice parents/siblings/family (that get along well with me)
  16. Gets along well with my parents/siblings
  17. Is a gentleman (i.e. opens my door; says yes/no ma'am/sir to elders; relinquishes seat to women/elders/handicapped; offers coat when it's cold; etc.)
  18. Is my friend
  19. Uses the "B-word" and "N-word" (and curses in general) very sparsely or not at all
  20. Is not a profuse alcohol or drug user*

 

*  Preferences that aren't necessarily deal breakers....would be great if he:

 

  1. Is from the South
  2. Likes the occassional meditation session
  3. Loves to read
  4. Has never cheated on anyone he professed to be dating
  5. Has a good singing voice
  6. Likes Beyonce's music
  7. Plays an instrument
  8. Is good at math
  9. Has good credit
  10. Has a 6-pack (abs)
  11. Is no older than 2 years my senior and no younger than 1 year my junior
  12. Is good with computers
  13. Is a vegetarian/pescetarian (or at least won't care if meats aren't included in meals I prepare and expects our children to be raised meat-free)
  14. Has good fashion sense
  15. Likes to travel
  16. Can swim
  17. Doesn't mind driving (in lieu of me)
  18. Great sense of humor
  19. Gives me his passwords
  20. Likes giving good surprises (gifts, trips, massages, outings etc.)

 

I'm sure there are other things that come to mind, but I decided to put a cap of 20 on each list so as not to seem to overwhelming and demanding lol. 

But, it has been asked, so I have answered....THIS is what I look for in a guy!

 

 

Making the Bed...

It's funny; growing up my dad would always force me to make my bed. He would yell (admittedly after asking numerous times) and i would pout and begrudgingly complete the menial chore. From adolescence all the way to young adulthood, I would just die every time i was reminded to tidy covers that were just going to get right back messy at the end of the night. I would  sometimes even choose a whooping over following directions…admittedly a foolish choice since, of course, I still had to make my bed at its conclusion, but with snot bubbles and tears to adorn the covers in the process.

 

I moved out of my parents house at 18 when I went off to college a thousand miles away carrying along with me all the lessons and chore knowledge and responsibility and independence I had gained at home. I knew how to do the simple things that baffled many a college student around me…like cook, or laundry, or…yep, make my bed. (I now realize how much of a difference a made bed makes and I would just die if I came home to a bed of haphazardly tossed sheets and pillows disrupting the chi of my living space!)

 

While there is definitely a balance between the lessons we learn at home and those we pick up through social interaction and just living in general, it all starts with the values and systematic routine bestowed upon us by our parent(s) from the start. 

 

I don't always take my time with sheet tucking perfection…but my bed is always made before I lay down to sleep at night...

 

Could it be a metaphor for life? lol…

SHOW ME THE MONEY!?

         image

 

I was a part of the street team for a candidate in the race for a Congressional seat a couple of months ago. Unfortunately the candidate did not end up winning. Although some of the policies the candidate stands for don't align with my beliefs, it's weird to feel like I wasted those hours of door knockin' for them not to even win….at least I got some good exercise out of it right?

 

So anyway, I got to thinking…what happens to all that money political candidates raise when they lose the race!? ME? I feel weird about losing out on all those walking hours; how do the financial supporters feel about losing out on all those dollars? And more importantly where do those dollars go now??

 

Moderately curious, I put the question to Facebook for hopefully one of my 4,086 "friends" to comment on:

 

When political candidates lose the race, where does the residual money go to? They just get to keep it like an indiegogo campaign Or they gotta return it like a Kickstarter campaign since they didn't reach the goal? Lol I wanna know

 

 

One commenter gave this article as a point of reference:

 

Politicians Have Numerous Options for Unused Campaign Cash After Leaving Elected Office

So it basically just stipulates that the money "can't be converted to personal use" but the law is overarching and there are apparently loopholes (of which I'm sure ppl take advantage) BUT it is suggested that it be used for charity donations, other candidates that the individual endorses, put on reserve for future election possibilities for the original candidate etc….there is SO much money and so LITTLE explanation on what actually happens to it….

 

It's disheartening to think that there are millions, possibly billions of dollars out there that are SPECIFICALLY suggested towards causes that could make a difference in this world…that could improve the value of living for many less fortunate/underp-priveledged individuals….being mishandled and misappropriated to greed funds of the people who claimed to have been fighting to get in office to make a difference in the first place…..OR even worse…just sitting in a reserve somewhere doing NOTHING.

 

Just something to think about for the day...

 

 

image

Nikki Giovanni - Think

"I didn't have a child to be canon fodder"
 
 
I've started writing more poetry lately and I do a bit a research every now and again for inspiration. This time I just went on Youtube and searched some of my favorite poets' works…Last week I performed an original poem entitled "Woman" and the coordinator loved it saying that it reminded him of Nikki Giovanni and gave me a printout of "Ego Tripping (there may be a reason why)". Although I was familiar with her name and reputation, I wasn't very familiar with her work so I added her to my Youtube search.
 
I came across this: THINK
 
It was just so powerful….and the story about the man and his door for the exhibit…wow. So I wanted to share it with all of you :) 
 
What are you favorite poems?
 

Who is your favorite poet?
 

 

The CANDY CRUSH Addiction

BY the end of 2013, more than half a billion people had installed Candy Crush Saga, and the addictive game app was generating just a little less than $1 million per day, according to its developer, King. Candy Crush Saga was the most downloaded app of the year in 2013, according to Apple.

— International Business Times, Feb. 10

Happy Ash Wednesday readers :) Today, March 5, 2014 is officially the first day of Lent and will continue until the day before Good Friday: April 17, 2014. Lent is a time of prayer, penance, almsgiving, atonement, and fasting…a generally cleansing preparation of the body for Easter. It lasts a little over 40 days in commemoration of the time Jesus spent fasting in the desert. 

 

What does any of this have to do with Candy Crush!? Well, this year I am giving up the addictive game for the duration of Lent and it shall be monumentally difficult! Over the years I have denied myself during this time of various personal "addictions" like ice-cream, pizza, nail polish, high heels…even Beyonce. So this year I continue my legacy of difficult feats by giving up a game that I literally play every single day multiple times a day: Candy Crush.

 

I came across this really funny, thought-provoking article that calls into the question Candy Crush addicts and our thought processes: 

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/16/opinion/sunday/the-never-ending-candy-crush-saga.html

 

It's humor is by no means outweighed by its truth.

 

I’ve been on this level for two weeks. How long am I going to persist with this?

I've often asked myself this question. I'll be stuck on a level for so long that I begin to get frustrated and consider quitting the stupid game altogether and questioning my sanity for getting so frustrated with these little "candy" combinations in the first place. And just when I've made up my mind, a beautiful thing happens. All the candies start to align; I get like three disco ball candy - striped candy combinations and BAM, just like that I'm on to the next level and my desire to move on has been satiated…until once again I am stuck. (I've been stuck on level 350 for quite some time now)

 

What if how you play Candy Crush is how you play life? Is it a test of my character?

This question was particularly funny to me. I don't think I've gone quite that far in comparing this game to real life, but I'm sure that it can build up a level of neurosis that takes you there. I often find myself wondering if the creators know exactly what combinations to make available each time you play to make you lose just enough to stay hooked on the challenge but win just enough not to kill your spirit and zest for the game.

 

Am I really getting one over on the system by not buying the boosters?

 I NEVER buy boosters. It's my way of feeling like I haven't completely given myself over to the idiocy of addiction to this game. The moment you spend money to feed the machine it becomes real. Lol. I'm not ready to take that leap.

 

If the yellow thing is a lemon drop and the red thing is a jelly bean, what is the purple thing? What am I even talking about?

Hhaha, another one of the hilarious questions from the article that still lives in truth. I've found myself describing the game to a few friends who hadn't heard of it or wanted to get a clearer idea of why I am so hooked, and as I get deeper into the descriptions the ridiculousness of it all screeches louder and louder. When I ask my friends, "Can you download the app so you can give me a ticket on the airplane/boat/train to cross over to the next world to help the next candy lady get the candy creature back in their kingdom….you don't actually have to play the game just download the app so you can send me tickets"….I realize what is coming out of my mouth…but I just keep going because I really want that ticket!

 

So, yes, this year I am giving up Candy Crush for Lent….better believe I played all the way up until 11:59! SMH

 

What are some things you are or have given up for Lent?

 

Are you addicted to Candy Crush too?

The "Friend Zone"

I wanna talk about a dirty word…the "friend-zone". I came across this really funny, thought-provoking, and enlightening comic (ok maybe I'm liking it a bit too much lol):

 

http://m.imgur.com/a/RmAjE

 

Anyhow, I could really identify because I've often found myself in that situation….being accused of being a "friendzoner"...

 

I've long been a vocal advocate of guy/gal friendships but I think as the years have gone by my resolve about the issue has continually been diminishing. Yes, I do have male friends, but in almost EVERY situation there has been some point where that friend hit on me or expressed a desire for something more. This becomes increasingly frustrating when you feel you have to choose between just X-ing that person out of your life or giving in to the pressures of persistence. I've done both, though more often the former rather than the latter.

 

The comic raised a great point about these so-called "nice guys" who get mad after being told they are in a "just friends" situation. If you're getting upset about the "time you spent" or "all the things you've done for this person" etc, then you really need to re-examine your definitions of the word FRIEND and NICE. You do things for your friends because you want to, not because you expect something in return (short term or long term). Imagine that friend you picked up drunk from her party at 3am and made sure she got in safe was a dude…would you still feel like he "owed" you something more than that same kind of courtesy/consideration in return?

 

This blogger articulated it perfectly:  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZu-tBi7DM

 

I like nice guys, I really do. The whole "bad boy" thing doesn't work for me one because I have a morality complex of sorts (haha) and two because I like to get my way…BUT none of that matters when I don't want to be in a relationship. Its not about how nice or mean or whatever you are…it's not about you at all! (The cliche "it's not you, it's me speech" is really not all that cliche…) So don't take it so personally.

 

In general, my advice to guys who feel like they don't want to get "stuck in the friend zone" is this: let it be known that you want more than "just" friendship right up front before you invest all that time, money, and energy that you wouldn't otherwise devote. Unlike what most men claim, a lot of us are mind-readers (exaggeration of course…call it hyperactive perception) and probably already know that you want more but either don't want to be presumptuous or don't want to hurt your feelings. Thus, it's up to you to come out and say it up front to start that dialogue. 

 

Second piece of advice, be prepared to be shot down and know what you want next. If you ARE content with being her friend because, I don't know, maybe you genuinely enjoy her company and conversation, then be prepared to actually be a friend. Don't get mad when she is on a date or having guy troubles or whatever the case may be. If that's not something you can handle emotionally or you just don't care enough to "waste your time" if she's not into you then also make that known up front and move on before either of you invest so much into a "friendship" that's going to crash and burn hurting one or more parties involved. Don't pretend you can handle it with a glimmer of hope in the back of your head that maybe she'll change her mind. 

 

Honesty is the key. 

 

What do you think? Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted more and had to move on once you realized they didn't?

 

And we tend to think this is a male issue, but it's a people issue…have any females out there felt like they were "friend-zoned" too?

 

How do you deal with the rejection?

 

Do you think heterosexual people of the opposite sex can be friends?

Lookin' A** N****…Nicki's gone crazy….or maybe it's just You.

So Nicki Minaj recently released a new song, "Lookin A** N****" and it seems to have sent everyone into a cockroach frenzy…her raunchy and combative lyrics coupled with a questionably distasteful cover-art picturing Malcolm X with an Uzi have raised eyebrows and outrage…and I'm just sitting on the sidelines like: THIS SONG IS JAMMIN'.

 

While I will admit, the superfluous usage of the word nigga in hip-hop and popular culture in general has become increasingly annoying to me. I feel like it has left the realm of "black empowerment"/"subversive usurpation" and continues to move into the realm of self-deprecation and racist desensitization, blurring the line for non-blacks who are steadily growing accustomed to the idea that it's "OK" to use this "transformed" version of the original hatred-charged racial slur. It's not.

 

But at the CORE of the message, Nicki is really spitting a lot of truth, bravery, and leadership in a provocative and dialogue-generating manner. 

This is my response to a recent criticism of the song/Nicki that I saw posted on FB:

"hmmm….i see you're not a fan of this song that i've played on repeat not only for the realness and rawness of the lyrics but also for the hypnotic electricity of the beat….

let's address a few things: Nicki is not making a comparison of being able to smoke without the choke to high-class men. Rather she is pulling focus to the guys who are trying to look cool with the pull and ain't actually bout that life. She actually comments in an article about how that wasn't even supposed to be the first line in the song but there was a specific person in the studio who was doing exactly that: frontin with his weed but choking on it every second and destroying her vibe in the booth trying to record.

And that's what she basically continues throughout the song: calling out all these lying "n-words" who're parading a hypocritical masquerade of bravado. "bunch of non-mogul a$$ n***s, frontin like they got a plan, boost mobile a$$ n***s" - the focus should not be on her play on words with the use of boost mobile's no-contract system. the focus here is on guys who are pretending like they have their $hit together, like they are working on a master plan when in fact they are lying and able to just LOOK like they got goals mapped out (much like a person with a boost could look like they got a phone plan. entendre) "stop lyin on your dick LAN" is not meant as a diss to less endowed men but as a wakeup call to men who want to appear to be something they not, to have something they dont. also, it's more than just about penis size but about guys who lie about the sexual conquests they've had. "lying on your dick" is lying about where its been…a possible shot at Gucci Mane who claimed on twitter like a month ago to have "had" her.

"stop looking at my ass ass n***s" - while her derriere is a big "asset" (haha) her talent/musical prowess/lyrical boldness can't be ignored, denied, or written off just because she happens to have a manufactured image as a gimmick through which the talent is delivered.

And finally, Malcolm X through all his amazing social activism, DID in fact preach a separatist point of view for much of his political life (both between whites & blacks, and between radicals & non-violent protesters) and held a militant stance in the protection of these beliefs. Nicki is in turn relating his analogous militance to her feminist anthem . She is pulling out her uzi to shoot down the oppressive regime of misogynist hierarchy found in the music industry she has broken through and putting "looking a$$ n***s on metaphorical and literal blast for the lies they use to continue their attempts at establishing this patriarchal dominance…..well, i say GO NICKI. #doitforthevine"

That basically sums up most of what I have to say on the subject but I wanted to extend the dialogue after reading a great point made: 

"Question: Why would nikki minaj make a song about killing nigga's (her definition of a nigga is obviously negative) and ultimately creating divide in the black community in Black History Month - a month designed for black glory and solidarity and the same month that Malcolm X was killed in 1965? Wouldn't it make more sense that at this time of the year, which in its ideal form, helps to fight oppressive domination of races (similar to Woman's month in March) that she would make a song about the recent deaths of Rekia Boyd or I don't know - Jordan Davis? He died, doing what many white Americans consider to be nigga activity. Instead, she makes a song about her selfish desire to control and people blindly accept that as feminism. Though I appreciate her for opening up the doors to speak on the core of this issue, which is egotism, she does not directly improve a movement that is designed to bring unity between the sexes."

That is a GREAT question. Why the heck would she do something so….perceivably reckless? Because much like sex, controversy sells. This is definitely where the valiant angles of her brave stance are negatively colored by the self-serving/capitalist/exploitative means in which she carried it out….But while it is true that there are many other dire issues in our community that need be addressed, the dialogic banter this song has generated can't be discounted. 

 

It is also very obvious by certain response records out there that this issue of chauvinistic bravado both in the industry and in our society (much of the world) in general needed to be addressed in such a straight-forward and confrontational manner….obvious by the many "Lookin Ass Bitches" records have now surfaced (most notably from Trey Songz and Cassidy).

 

Do you think these appallingly disrespectful "responses" are warranted? Or is it just further opportunity for the men in the music industry to continue what they've been doing since the beginning of time: degrading/debasing/dehumanizing women.

 

Is what Nicki did any different from the legacy of disrespect and diminution already displayed by male entertainers?

Welcome

Hmm....how did I get into blogging? 

 

I've seen and heard so many things lately that just make me want to start a dialogue but I don't want to clog up my Facebook with paragraphs of back and forth mischief so I decided why not take the conversation to a platform it was actually meant for...the "blogosphere"!

 

I recently started a hair blog: aheadofmyhair.blogspot.com which you can visit at your leisure where I answer the many questions and address the varied comments I've gotten about my hair. BUT I can't just post random things about what's going on in this crazy world of ours on there so I decided to go on and introduce the blogging platform to my website: RAHKUA.COM

 

SO, hopefully you'll find some of what I talk about useful or funny or interesting or provocative or whatever and decide that you want to talk back to me....

 

Sincerely yours,

 

The Cynic/The Optimist

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